Sometimes you just want to scream that at people.  Call them out for the B.S. that they are feeding you.  You know it's bunk, but how do you confirm that?  How can you make them realize that they are not telling the truth?

Truth Is Everything

Knowing the truth is useful in all areas of your life.  Knowing when to believe the used car salesman.  Understanding when your kids are not being honest.  Detecting deception of an employee.  Seeing through the lies of politicians...

Knowing when you are being fed B.S. is a powerful skill.  Reading faces. Body language. Spotting nervousness.  These are all techniques that have been promoted as being reliable "B.S. meters", but they don't work as well as you may think.  Some people are just pros at feeding you a line of B.S.  In fact, the real pros actually believe their own B.S.  Those are the truly dangerous ones.

Is there a better way to identify a liar?

In this article from Get Pocket, The Best and Worst Ways To Spot A Liar, there is a great discussion of ways that work, and those that don't, in detecting lies.  It's worth a read, because it will quickly provide you with some easy tools to cut through the B.S. that we face everyday. 

This simple technique is very powerful and it can help you spot a liar, not just in your own conversation, but from conversations of...

I just was watching a Stu McLaren presentation in his flagship program, "Tribe", being presented virtually this year.

Stu was recounting his journey on how he arrived to the point he is today and the success he has earned.  There is a very important lesson that he shared, which he learned from one of his mentors.   It's worth repeating here because of the power of the message.

Success doesn't come from who you know. It doesn't come from what you know.  While both of these may be important, to a degree, the real power comes from this:  Who knows YOU?

The power of that statement can't be overstated. 

Let's look at these statements:

Who do you know?

Perhaps a great follow up question is this.  Who cares who you know?  We have all met many people in our lives.  We know who they are, but unless there is a meaningful connection with them, they likely don't know you in the way that will make a difference in you life. Unless others think about you, who you know is meaningless.

What do you know?

Again, you may know a lot.  Most people know a lot about something. Some people know a lot about a lot of different topics.  But fundamentally if nobody knows what you know; If nobody has learned from you; If nobody sees you as the "go-to" person for that topic, does that knowledge help you? How can you capitalize on your knowledge, and...

You hear it a lot:

Hindsight is 20-20

But it's simply not true most of the time.  But we fool ourselves into believing it.

If I had pulled out of the stock market on Monday, I would have avoided the downturn.

If I had not gone to the store, I wouldn't have been robbed....

It's only part of the story

The other part of the story nearly always assumes that a different outcome would have been better.  While that can be true, it's just as likely to not be true.  The fact is this ... we simply don't know.  But human nature has us believing the best outcome.  Humans are optimists by nature and when there is an unknown choice, we assume they are good choices.

So back to our scenario.  What would have happened if we had pulled all of our money out of the market before a downturn?  We assume that we would have preserved our investment, but there is a chance that we could end up worse off.  We could incur some large capital gains which triggers high taxes.  Maybe we lock in losses that we really can't afford.  Or perhaps the money down the road gets reinvested into other stocks or investments that ultimately do worse than the downturn we avoided.

How about that trip to the store? Five minutes later, you may have avoided the robbery. But maybe the firetruck that went through the intersection would have broadsided you.  Sure you...

We all know the power of saying "No".  It can keep you from accepting a bad deal. From allowing others to take advantage of you.  It can save you enormous grief from accepting deals that are simply not in your best interest.

Is there an alternative to saying "no"?

Is there something better than that powerful two-letter word?

You bet there is...

Why are some of the reasons that we would say no?  I think it's because the proposal or position presented to us as part of a negotiation is simply not in our best interest.  It IS a good idea to know how to say no and how to use it to your advantage.  

But let me suggest this:

It's likely that when you say "no", it's because your conditions to the negotiation are not met.  In fact, they are so far away that you are ready to walk away.  You are ready to terminate the negotiation and move on.  But it may not be your best move.  In fact, because you have already decided to walk away, you now have an enormous edge over the party you are negotiating with.  You simply won't accept the position they are offering, and that is powerful.

So what is your option if you don't walk away?

Simple.  Figure out EXACTLY what you want.  Not just what you think the other party will accept, but what YOU want.  Complete wants. No limitations. Crystal clear objectives. 

Then present...

Controlled Breathing

Breathing is something we all take for granted, unless we stop or can't breath.  But there is another element of breathing that most of us don't realize.  It's about controlling our breathing.

A very good friend of mine shared a tip with me a couple of years ago, to help us calm our inner nervous system, resulting in decreased stress and lower blood pressure.  It's inhaling slowly through your nose, then exhaling out of your mouth, but taking two to three times longer on the exhale.  3 to 5 seconds of inhale followed by 6 to 10 seconds to exhale.  Calming breathing.

I have to admit that I try to do it regularly.  My friend says that doing this for just a couple of minutes a day, three or four times a day can work wonders.   I try to remember, but I am not consistent.  When I do...it seems very calming.

A Good Article On Life Transformation Through Breathing

In the The Guardian there was a short article by James Nestor that describes his transformation through slow breathing.  Just reading it seems calming.  How One Hour Of Slow Breathing Changed My Life.

I thought I would share it with all of my readers.  Perhaps your breathing can be improved and help you better deal with stress. 

It's simple. It's safe. And it might just work wonders for you.

Changing your life doesn't have to be...

Regardless (notice, I didn't use irregardless...) of what you do for a living, where you live, how you live, your thoughts, beliefs or anything...you will at some point interact with other people for the first time. You will start a new relationship with them, which can be brief ... or last a lifetime. And I am willing to bet that the relationship you are creating will be far better if you start it off on the right foot.  How? By actually working to make the relationship a positive one.

The Other Person

In every relationship there are two parties.  Not three, only two.  If there are three or more people "involved", then there are more relationships at play, but fundamentally each of the relationships is between only two people.  Once you start looking at each of your relationships in that manner, you can give each of them the necessary attention to maximize it's positive potential.  If you focus on the other person and their needs in the relationship, it will be far more likely to be perceived (and result) in a more positive experience by the other person.  When that happens, there is a greater chance for a better outcome. 

In Wen's article, she covers some basic elements on how to present yourself in a charming manner.  It's a brief but interesting article on some tips on starting a relationship in a positive manner.  I agree...

I have been in committees for decades.  Yes, literally decades.  And over those years there are some interesting patterns of participation that I have observed.  Which are you?

The passive listener

...is the person who comes faithfully to the committee and listens.  Rarely if ever do they actively contribute to the content of the committee unless specifically asked a question. Then they surprise everyone with an often useful and insightful response.  My suggestion: Speak up a bit more. 

The non-engaged

,,,is the person who sits at the periphery of the meeting.  They are often seen "sneaking" a look on their phone. Texting. Or doing something else.  While they are not actively disruptive, they are passively disruptive because of the infectious quality of their non-participation.  My suggestion: Either commit to participating in the meeting for the time you are there, or ask to be excused from the meeting.  (If that means you are not fulfilling your job and responsibilities, consider that.)

The cautious contributor

...is the person who does participate in the meeting and provides periodic contributions to the content of the meeting.  This person can often be intimidated by other more active members of the committee.  My suggestion:  Look at your prior contributions and see how they have shaped the discussions and...

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Start of article...

If you are like I am, I read a lot.  It's where I learn a lot from what other people have written.  It might be a blog. A book. An article. An eBook. 

But HOW do you remember what you want from the article?  

Here is my system, that I usually use. (I have to admit that I don't use this all the time, but am working on improving on this great habit.)  I use this when there is something that I am reading that I would really like to learn from.  

Here is my system ....

1. I really like to print out what I am going to read.  It's an essential element of my reading process.  But I usually print double sided and 2 pages per side to cut down on paper and ink.
2. I select a place and time when I will not be disturbed where I can devote my full attention to the reading.
3. I have a highlighter and a pen in hand.
4. When I start, I look at the title and ask myself, "What am I reading?".  This puts my mind in the right frame of mind, focused on that type of content.
5. Most reading is broken up into chapters, and often into subsections with headers.  Don't skip the chapter titles and header titles.  Just like the title of the book, read the headers and ask yourself, "what am I going to learn in this section / chapter?".
6. Read the chapter or section, paragraph by paragraph.  If there is an...

Peer Pressure "Volunteers"

So you see what you think is a good cause.  It seems like everyone is on board with supporting that cause.  Perhaps there is a lot of pressure to support it.  So you decide to support that cause.  Maybe with money. Maybe in other ways.  And you proudly tell others about your support.

Then they feel the pressure too.

And the support continues to grow.

But what if you found out that you were duped?  What if the project, group, charity or movement wasn't what it said it was. Or perhaps their message and motive were not congruent?  What if they were promoting just for their own wants, and were intentionally duping people about their motive?

Shame on them.

But if you don't speak up and tell others about this subterfuge, and it's abuse of the trust that you gave it, you are as guilty as they are. Shame on you.

So it's important do your research.  Pay attention to the reality.  And when you are given the bait-and-switch, it's time to speak up.

When I Was Duped....

This happened to me many years ago.  In my place of employment there was a very strong arm push to financially support a certain charity. (In fact it wasn't a charity at all...it was a clearing house that collected money, then they decided how to re-donate it...)  It was the "Way" that every one was expected to support.  Anything less...

Which are you?

Are  you the antique red telephone booth? Or are you the blur of progress?

Grow or Die

Expansion of services is the hallmark of most successful businesses.  "Grow or die" is the common mantra of many businesses.  I too believe it's a good goal to have. Existing services and products become stale with time and the attractiveness of them diminishes, resulting in a slow, but progressive, death of a business if it is not constantly evolving. 

Expand or Create?

Part of a businesses growth is the development of new and (hopefully) exciting new services or products.  But with this development, there comes a new development that may be unanticipated.  A fork in the road of growth, and one that provides new and unanticipated challenges.  That decision point has at least two very different trajectories. Do you expand your services or products?  Or do you create new services or products?

Expansion

Expansion of your services and products may come naturally and seem relatively easy.  It is a good system for keeping your existing products and services in a "new" or "improved" light. But fundamentally they are your core products with new spins.  It's the newest haircut or style.  An improved car maintenance program.  A new twist on the free checking account.  Updating a rotary phone to a push button phone. A...