Static Versus Dynamic Smile

Regardless (notice, I didn't use irregardless...) of what you do for a living, where you live, how you live, your thoughts, beliefs or anything...you will at some point interact with other people for the first time. You will start a new relationship with them, which can be brief ... or last a lifetime. And I am willing to bet that the relationship you are creating will be far better if you start it off on the right foot.  How? By actually working to make the relationship a positive one.

The Other Person

In every relationship there are two parties.  Not three, only two.  If there are three or more people "involved", then there are more relationships at play, but fundamentally each of the relationships is between only two people.  Once you start looking at each of your relationships in that manner, you can give each of them the necessary attention to maximize it's positive potential.  If you focus on the other person and their needs in the relationship, it will be far more likely to be perceived (and result) in a more positive experience by the other person.  When that happens, there is a greater chance for a better outcome. 

In Wen's article, she covers some basic elements on how to present yourself in a charming manner.  It's a brief but interesting article on some tips on starting a relationship in a positive manner.  I agree with the points she makes, but feel that there are a few additional points that can be further expounded upon. 

Smiles

A lot of how others perceive you initially is based on facial expressions.   A smile goes a long way in starting that relationship in a positive manner.  But more than just a static smile, it's important to use a dynamic smile.  What's the difference?  Let's paint a scenario.

Jane is in a new networking meeting.  She knows a smile goes a long way in setting the right tone, so she forces herself to smile. (Just smile she tells herself). It looks nice, but there is just a hint of forced element to it.  You meet Jane, introduce yourself and the same smile is there.  What are you to think?  Yes, there is a smile on her face, but there is no emotion associated with the smile.  It is totally static.  And a static smile can be confusing.  Is it real? Or is it contrived.  Confusion creates mental conflict to the receiver, which then puts up subconscious defense mechanisms.  That then negates all of the effort that Jane has put into the situation.  Fake static smile = Confusion = Distrust.  That is not the result that you want. 

On the other hand Joe is at the same meeting.  Rather than tell himself to simply smile. he prompts his brain with a positive message that can help create a real smile.  He uses a mental trigger to get him to achieve the action he wants.  This is going to be a great meeting where I can meet great people, is one thought to bring a real low level smile to his face.  Far more genuine.  By adding a bit of humor, he can create a bigger smile. If these people were all dogs, what kind would each be? Then by playing this mental game, one can mentally laugh a bit, creating a bigger smile.   

But there is more to Joe's approach.  In addition to the static smile as his baseline, he also uses dynamic smile to his advantage.  Using another "trigger", once introduced, he creates eye contact and then ever so slightly expands his smile, creating a dynamic element.  What does that do?  Simple. It tells the person who is on the receiving end of that smile that it is the action of meeting them that is causing Joe to smile a bit more.  That positive action can set the tone for the recipient.  Joe is pleased and happy to meet them. It's all subconscious and highly effective.  Because of the mind-body connection is also reinforces and improves the connection that Joe has, so the benefit is not just in the eyes of the beholder.

There are many other elements of creating a positive first impression, such as using their name, posture copying and other best practices, but the use of a dynamic smile is a very easy and powerful way of starting a relationship in a positive manner. 

Your own habits

In order to achieve actions that you choose to take can on a regular basis can be difficult, unless you have a plan.  Such a plan has several different elements, which can be summarized in the ThoughtCrafting STITCH plan that can help you FallForward toward what you want to achieve.  Situation. Trigger. Interrupt. Tool.  Create. Harvest.  By planning ahead, you can create interrupts of your thought process that are triggered by specific situations where you then use specific thought-tools to create the outcome you want. 

What do you do to help you create the thought processes you want?

Do you actively create the outcomes that you desire? Or just leave them to chance?