You hear it a lot:

Hindsight is 20-20

But it's simply not true most of the time.  But we fool ourselves into believing it.

If I had pulled out of the stock market on Monday, I would have avoided the downturn.

If I had not gone to the store, I wouldn't have been robbed....

It's only part of the story

The other part of the story nearly always assumes that a different outcome would have been better.  While that can be true, it's just as likely to not be true.  The fact is this ... we simply don't know.  But human nature has us believing the best outcome.  Humans are optimists by nature and when there is an unknown choice, we assume they are good choices.

So back to our scenario.  What would have happened if we had pulled all of our money out of the market before a downturn?  We assume that we would have preserved our investment, but there is a chance that we could end up worse off.  We could incur some large capital gains which triggers high taxes.  Maybe we lock in losses that we really can't afford.  Or perhaps the money down the road gets reinvested into other stocks or investments that ultimately do worse than the downturn we avoided.

How about that trip to the store? Five minutes later, you may have avoided the robbery. But maybe the firetruck that went through the intersection would have broadsided you.  Sure you...

We all know the power of saying "No".  It can keep you from accepting a bad deal. From allowing others to take advantage of you.  It can save you enormous grief from accepting deals that are simply not in your best interest.

Is there an alternative to saying "no"?

Is there something better than that powerful two-letter word?

You bet there is...

Why are some of the reasons that we would say no?  I think it's because the proposal or position presented to us as part of a negotiation is simply not in our best interest.  It IS a good idea to know how to say no and how to use it to your advantage.  

But let me suggest this:

It's likely that when you say "no", it's because your conditions to the negotiation are not met.  In fact, they are so far away that you are ready to walk away.  You are ready to terminate the negotiation and move on.  But it may not be your best move.  In fact, because you have already decided to walk away, you now have an enormous edge over the party you are negotiating with.  You simply won't accept the position they are offering, and that is powerful.

So what is your option if you don't walk away?

Simple.  Figure out EXACTLY what you want.  Not just what you think the other party will accept, but what YOU want.  Complete wants. No limitations. Crystal clear objectives. 

Then present...

Controlled Breathing

Breathing is something we all take for granted, unless we stop or can't breath.  But there is another element of breathing that most of us don't realize.  It's about controlling our breathing.

A very good friend of mine shared a tip with me a couple of years ago, to help us calm our inner nervous system, resulting in decreased stress and lower blood pressure.  It's inhaling slowly through your nose, then exhaling out of your mouth, but taking two to three times longer on the exhale.  3 to 5 seconds of inhale followed by 6 to 10 seconds to exhale.  Calming breathing.

I have to admit that I try to do it regularly.  My friend says that doing this for just a couple of minutes a day, three or four times a day can work wonders.   I try to remember, but I am not consistent.  When I do...it seems very calming.

A Good Article On Life Transformation Through Breathing

In the The Guardian there was a short article by James Nestor that describes his transformation through slow breathing.  Just reading it seems calming.  How One Hour Of Slow Breathing Changed My Life.

I thought I would share it with all of my readers.  Perhaps your breathing can be improved and help you better deal with stress. 

It's simple. It's safe. And it might just work wonders for you.

Changing your life doesn't have to be...

Regardless (notice, I didn't use irregardless...) of what you do for a living, where you live, how you live, your thoughts, beliefs or anything...you will at some point interact with other people for the first time. You will start a new relationship with them, which can be brief ... or last a lifetime. And I am willing to bet that the relationship you are creating will be far better if you start it off on the right foot.  How? By actually working to make the relationship a positive one.

The Other Person

In every relationship there are two parties.  Not three, only two.  If there are three or more people "involved", then there are more relationships at play, but fundamentally each of the relationships is between only two people.  Once you start looking at each of your relationships in that manner, you can give each of them the necessary attention to maximize it's positive potential.  If you focus on the other person and their needs in the relationship, it will be far more likely to be perceived (and result) in a more positive experience by the other person.  When that happens, there is a greater chance for a better outcome. 

In Wen's article, she covers some basic elements on how to present yourself in a charming manner.  It's a brief but interesting article on some tips on starting a relationship in a positive manner.  I agree...

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Start of article...

If you are like I am, I read a lot.  It's where I learn a lot from what other people have written.  It might be a blog. A book. An article. An eBook. 

But HOW do you remember what you want from the article?  

Here is my system, that I usually use. (I have to admit that I don't use this all the time, but am working on improving on this great habit.)  I use this when there is something that I am reading that I would really like to learn from.  

Here is my system ....

1. I really like to print out what I am going to read.  It's an essential element of my reading process.  But I usually print double sided and 2 pages per side to cut down on paper and ink.
2. I select a place and time when I will not be disturbed where I can devote my full attention to the reading.
3. I have a highlighter and a pen in hand.
4. When I start, I look at the title and ask myself, "What am I reading?".  This puts my mind in the right frame of mind, focused on that type of content.
5. Most reading is broken up into chapters, and often into subsections with headers.  Don't skip the chapter titles and header titles.  Just like the title of the book, read the headers and ask yourself, "what am I going to learn in this section / chapter?".
6. Read the chapter or section, paragraph by paragraph.  If there is an...

How often have you heard the phrase "that's a good idea"?

If you are like me, you hear it all the time.  It's likely when used, the idea is a good idea.  But like most "good" ideas, no action is ever taken on it.  Maybe because people are afraid that providing further refinement of the "good" idea undermines their original comment.  If it was a "good" idea, then why are you changing it?  So those "good" ideas simple fade away due to to the inhibition of refinement and action.

Some ideas that are not good, are still interesting...

The other problem with labeling something as a "good" idea is that we then write off other ideas that are not "good" as not being worth further consideration.  Unfortunately the opportunities that are hidden in non "good" ideas are lost. You hear of many huge successes in life and in business as the "bad" ideas that were shelved for years, with their true potential only discovered years later. (Think of post-it notes.) It's clear the distinction between a bad idea and a good idea is perspective, situation and opportunity. 

The Interesting Idea.

It's likely that something interesting can be found in just about any idea, good or bad.  When something is interesting, we feel more free to explore it.  To change it. To expand it.  It's far easier to be open to modification of an interesting idea than a ...

Let's face it.  Life doesn't go smoothly all the time.  Heck, it doesn't even go smoothly most of the time.  When it doesn't, it's an obstruction to us achieving what we are attempting to do.  The degree of obstruction that it causes for us can be minor...such as something that causes us to take longer to achieve our goal or take more effort to achieve that goal, or it can be a "fatal" obstruction which we perceive as totally blocking us from achieving our intended goal.

Problems

These "obstructions" (as I have referred to them up to now intentionally) are more typically called "problems" by most people.  A dictionary definition of a "problem"  is:

• any question or matter involving doubt, uncertainty, or difficulty.

Hmmm....If you were to use these descriptions for an obstruction that you had in achieving a goal, how would you feel about the potential for overcoming that obstruction?  The obstruction that I am trying to overcome involves doubt.  Uncertainty.  Difficulty.  That sounds pretty darn hard to overcome.  It sounds like I may not be able to overcome that obstruction.  It's demoralizing.  Can I even do it?  Should I not bother, and just give up?

Yes, there is a lot of power in words.  Subconscious power that can dramatically impact...

Everyone is going to die!

I don't know anyone with it.

Everyone catches it.

I am not worried about it.

What do all of these comments have in common?

They are all based on the experience of the person who said it.  Each statement is fundamentally incorrect.  Each statement has some element of truth.  And each statement can influence what the next person thinks.

Experiential Bias 

Sounds scary, 'eh?  But what is really means is this:  We are biased to believe what we experience.  

Right now, in this COVID19 pandemic (i.e. Wuhan Coronavirus), there are a lot of people who are telling others their experience with the virus.  When they communicate it, others think that what they are hearing is the whole truth.  It is truth, but the truth that is only limited to the experience upon which it was created.  

For a healthcare worker in the COVID19 in an ICU setting with everyone on ventilators in the final stages of respiratory failure, the statement Everyone is going to die! may seem to be an accurate representation of the truth in that setting.  That's based on that person's experience.  

For others in unaffected areas in the country, I don't know anyone with it, may be equally true.  It is an accurate representation of that person's experience.  Ditto...

I don't wanna go to school.

I don't wanna practice the piano.

I don't wanna go to work.

I don't wanna save money.

I don't wanna be responsible.

I don't wanna do it.

But...

I do wanna know more.

I do wanna play music.

I do wanna good job.

I do wanna hefty bank account.

I do wanna be the boss.

I do wanna see it done.

Which is it?

What do you really wanna?

Do you wanna complain?

Or

Do you wanna accomplish?

What is it that you wanna?

It's up to you what you are gonna do.

It's time to change your wanna to a gonna...

Do you ever get that little voice in your head that tells you that you are not smart enough to lead others?  Maybe not smart enough to coach or teach them?  Maybe not even smart enough to be their friend or co-worker?

You are not alone.

The Voice Of Doubt Is In Everyone's Head

What you are hearing in your head is your voice of doubt.  The voice of your limiting beliefs. And it's the voice that stops you from advancing.  That voice talking to you in your head is probably the worst coach that you could ever imagine.  It has been the reason that billions of people have not reached their full potential.  

In listening to and reading about people from all walks of life and all positions, it's clear that everyone hears this voice.  This "coach" sure gets around and wreaks havoc with people.  It's one thing to hear those words of discouragement, but it's even worse when we listen to them. 

You May Hear Voices, But You Don't Need To Listen Or Agree

The voices won't be going away.  Everyone has them.  But what makes some people far more confident and successful is based on a couple of secrets that they have.   

First, they may hear those negative voices, but they don't listen to them.  And even better, they don't agree or encourage them.  That goes a long way to helping...