You hear it a lot:

Hindsight is 20-20

But it's simply not true most of the time.  But we fool ourselves into believing it.

If I had pulled out of the stock market on Monday, I would have avoided the downturn.

If I had not gone to the store, I wouldn't have been robbed....

It's only part of the story

The other part of the story nearly always assumes that a different outcome would have been better.  While that can be true, it's just as likely to not be true.  The fact is this ... we simply don't know.  But human nature has us believing the best outcome.  Humans are optimists by nature and when there is an unknown choice, we assume they are good choices.

So back to our scenario.  What would have happened if we had pulled all of our money out of the market before a downturn?  We assume that we would have preserved our investment, but there is a chance that we could end up worse off.  We could incur some large capital gains which triggers high taxes.  Maybe we lock in losses that we really can't afford.  Or perhaps the money down the road gets reinvested into other stocks or investments that ultimately do worse than the downturn we avoided.

How about that trip to the store? Five minutes later, you may have avoided the robbery. But maybe the firetruck that went through the intersection would have broadsided you.  Sure you...

We all know the power of saying "No".  It can keep you from accepting a bad deal. From allowing others to take advantage of you.  It can save you enormous grief from accepting deals that are simply not in your best interest.

Is there an alternative to saying "no"?

Is there something better than that powerful two-letter word?

You bet there is...

Why are some of the reasons that we would say no?  I think it's because the proposal or position presented to us as part of a negotiation is simply not in our best interest.  It IS a good idea to know how to say no and how to use it to your advantage.  

But let me suggest this:

It's likely that when you say "no", it's because your conditions to the negotiation are not met.  In fact, they are so far away that you are ready to walk away.  You are ready to terminate the negotiation and move on.  But it may not be your best move.  In fact, because you have already decided to walk away, you now have an enormous edge over the party you are negotiating with.  You simply won't accept the position they are offering, and that is powerful.

So what is your option if you don't walk away?

Simple.  Figure out EXACTLY what you want.  Not just what you think the other party will accept, but what YOU want.  Complete wants. No limitations. Crystal clear objectives. 

Then present...

Controlled Breathing

Breathing is something we all take for granted, unless we stop or can't breath.  But there is another element of breathing that most of us don't realize.  It's about controlling our breathing.

A very good friend of mine shared a tip with me a couple of years ago, to help us calm our inner nervous system, resulting in decreased stress and lower blood pressure.  It's inhaling slowly through your nose, then exhaling out of your mouth, but taking two to three times longer on the exhale.  3 to 5 seconds of inhale followed by 6 to 10 seconds to exhale.  Calming breathing.

I have to admit that I try to do it regularly.  My friend says that doing this for just a couple of minutes a day, three or four times a day can work wonders.   I try to remember, but I am not consistent.  When I do...it seems very calming.

A Good Article On Life Transformation Through Breathing

In the The Guardian there was a short article by James Nestor that describes his transformation through slow breathing.  Just reading it seems calming.  How One Hour Of Slow Breathing Changed My Life.

I thought I would share it with all of my readers.  Perhaps your breathing can be improved and help you better deal with stress. 

It's simple. It's safe. And it might just work wonders for you.

Changing your life doesn't have to be...

Regardless (notice, I didn't use irregardless...) of what you do for a living, where you live, how you live, your thoughts, beliefs or anything...you will at some point interact with other people for the first time. You will start a new relationship with them, which can be brief ... or last a lifetime. And I am willing to bet that the relationship you are creating will be far better if you start it off on the right foot.  How? By actually working to make the relationship a positive one.

The Other Person

In every relationship there are two parties.  Not three, only two.  If there are three or more people "involved", then there are more relationships at play, but fundamentally each of the relationships is between only two people.  Once you start looking at each of your relationships in that manner, you can give each of them the necessary attention to maximize it's positive potential.  If you focus on the other person and their needs in the relationship, it will be far more likely to be perceived (and result) in a more positive experience by the other person.  When that happens, there is a greater chance for a better outcome. 

In Wen's article, she covers some basic elements on how to present yourself in a charming manner.  It's a brief but interesting article on some tips on starting a relationship in a positive manner.  I agree...

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Start of article...

If you are like I am, I read a lot.  It's where I learn a lot from what other people have written.  It might be a blog. A book. An article. An eBook. 

But HOW do you remember what you want from the article?  

Here is my system, that I usually use. (I have to admit that I don't use this all the time, but am working on improving on this great habit.)  I use this when there is something that I am reading that I would really like to learn from.  

Here is my system ....

1. I really like to print out what I am going to read.  It's an essential element of my reading process.  But I usually print double sided and 2 pages per side to cut down on paper and ink.
2. I select a place and time when I will not be disturbed where I can devote my full attention to the reading.
3. I have a highlighter and a pen in hand.
4. When I start, I look at the title and ask myself, "What am I reading?".  This puts my mind in the right frame of mind, focused on that type of content.
5. Most reading is broken up into chapters, and often into subsections with headers.  Don't skip the chapter titles and header titles.  Just like the title of the book, read the headers and ask yourself, "what am I going to learn in this section / chapter?".
6. Read the chapter or section, paragraph by paragraph.  If there is an...

Which are you?

Are  you the antique red telephone booth? Or are you the blur of progress?

Grow or Die

Expansion of services is the hallmark of most successful businesses.  "Grow or die" is the common mantra of many businesses.  I too believe it's a good goal to have. Existing services and products become stale with time and the attractiveness of them diminishes, resulting in a slow, but progressive, death of a business if it is not constantly evolving. 

Expand or Create?

Part of a businesses growth is the development of new and (hopefully) exciting new services or products.  But with this development, there comes a new development that may be unanticipated.  A fork in the road of growth, and one that provides new and unanticipated challenges.  That decision point has at least two very different trajectories. Do you expand your services or products?  Or do you create new services or products?

Expansion

Expansion of your services and products may come naturally and seem relatively easy.  It is a good system for keeping your existing products and services in a "new" or "improved" light. But fundamentally they are your core products with new spins.  It's the newest haircut or style.  An improved car maintenance program.  A new twist on the free checking account.  Updating a rotary phone to a push button phone. A...

How do you stack up against other people?

Do you look at yourself and compare you with others?  Or do you look at your achievements and compare those with others?

It makes a big difference.

We are all inherently different.  Different skills. Different life experience. Different physiology. Different makeup.  Because of that our uniqueness makes it impossible for us to be all the same.  A short, chubby guy isn't likely to be a successful pro-basketball player.  A person with limited inherent aptitude for math is unlikely to be an actuary or a doctorate in physics.  When we look and compare ourselves and our innate abilities to others, we can set ourselves up for disappointment.  I am a physician and have been successful in that area, but there are countless other areas where I simply don't stack up to others.  Event though I love music and playing music, when I look at my ability, it's far inferior to many people with a lot less training than I have had.  If that's what I look at, I am doomed to be disappointed, with little chance of overcoming that disappointment.

Focus On What YOU Have Achieved

If I focus on what I have achieved, I can truly feel good.  What I have done in some areas of my life is far beyond what others have achieved in those areas.  We are all not the same, so it really doesn't matter what specific...

Boy did the you-know-what hit the fan with the Wuhan Coronavirus.

Going back to New Year's Eve 2019, who would have guessed the massive pivot that would have occurred in the first few months of 2020?

I didn't.  And I suspect that only those in the epicenter really understood what we were facing in the beginning of 2020. Everyone else was blissfully ignorant of the massive microbe that was rapidly moving across the face of the globe, which would produce yet another "before" and "after" point in time in modern world history.

Before And After Points In Time

When dramatic events occur that shape the world, there are two elements to the "before" and "after" pivot that occurs.  The real physical element that happens and the psychological fallout of the event.  These may be seen as the primary event and secondary fallout. 

In WW2, the primary impact of the event occurred in only some parts of the world, yet the secondary impact was felt world wide.  The same for 9/11.  The primary impact of the initial event was quite small, (geographically), yet the secondary impact was also felt world wide. 

COVID19, like these other events will slice the events of the world in two.  "Before-COVID" and "After-COVID" is already being used by many to describe recent time.  The rapid progression of this event changed many elements of our world, with many...

In a recent blog post by Cal Newport, The Lost Satisfactions of Manual Competence,  he discusses the satisfaction of the creation of an object under the tutelage of his grandfather.  The physical effort to take a hunk of metal and turn it into a functional working engine. 

Newport's post resonated with me for a couple of reasons.   First, my own father was a tool and die maker and the workshop in my basement was filled with many different tools that were used to create functional objects from raw materials.  It was there that I spent countless days "playing" with the various tools, creating something that I had envisioned in my head.  With time, my competence for creation of such objects grew to a point where I could be reasonably proficient in creating what I had dreamed (within reason). 

I could fix a bicycle.  Mend a fence.  Create a birdhouse. Make a model car or spaceship.  I could solder a broken electrical connection. Repair a broken item. And I could create objects that were within my mind.

I didn't really know much about computers until I was in high school when only the "nerds" were playing with decks of programming cards, and it wasn't until my medical residency when I had my first real experience with the first IBM PC with a green screen and a 5 1/4 floppy disk.  It was at that time that my experience as...

I have to admit it.

I have fallen behind.  And I hate it.

Self imposed goals.

Creating self imposed goals are one of the keys to effective goal achievement. I do it all the time. 

There are two types of self imposed goals.  The first has a single point in time and single goal.  For example: Fill my auto up with fuel today.  Easy. straightforward.  Singular goal and a singular time frame.  Easy-peasy (usually). Yes there are harder goals, but they all have in common the singular nature of the goal.

The second type of goal is the ongoing goal.  For me, this blog is that type of goal.  A post, every day, five days a week.  It's a goal that never goes away. Once you have completed one, the next one looms before you.  While it keeps you moving forward, it can be difficult to maintain, and if you don't, the negative elements of not meeting that goal ... piles up.

When you fall behind on a repetitive goal, it seems harder to restart.  But it really isn't as hard to restart as it was to initially start.  You know how to do it.  You know that you can do it. But for some reason, you just fell behind.  And now you don't just have your ongoing goal, you have an element of completing the unfinished goals that you missed.

It all seems so daunting.

So you delay even more.

Getting Restarted

But you just have to just...