What do you want to be known for? 

Something good?  Or something bad?

"Oh, so you are the one that was canned because you leaked the company secrets."

"Oh, so you are the one that got drunk at the company Christmas party."

"Oh, so you are the one that clicked on the phishing link that brought down our entire system."

Or...

"Oh, so you are the one that had the idea that won the account."

"Oh, so you are the one that volunteers at the dog shelter."

"Oh, so you are the one that owned up to your mistake and made it right."

What do you want people to say about you after, "Oh, so you are the one..."?

You make your own reputation.

What others say about you  ... is entirely up to you.

Do you like what they say about you?

I agree.

Two simple words.

Two words that can start building the bridge between opposing parties. Between opposite viewpoints.  Between adversaries.

If I remember correctly, those words were used a lot  ... many years ago.  But it seems that lately the words "I agree" have come to signal a position of weakness. Of giving in.  Of acquiesence. 

But it wasn't always that way.  I don't know what happened, but it seems that every position lately has been "for" or "against" something or someone.  Forget the middle ground.  Forget compromise.  Forget about what is right.  Just dig in your heels and never admit that you agree.

But let's face it.  Most of the time, regardless of how much we dislike a position, a person, an ideology, there are often some aspects of the opposing viewpoint that we can agree with.  That doesn't mean we are giving in.  It doesn't mean that we are "on their side". It doesn't mean that our position on other elements isn't as strong.

But what it does mean is this:

We agree on SOME things...so let's spend our efforts on working out those elements that we don't agree on...

Think about it.  If we only have so much time, energy and stamina, then why spend it on arguing over things we already agree on.  It's not just stupid ... it's insanity.  

Common Ground

How often...

The following is a post from a Facebook physician group.  I thought it was worth repeating here...

"...I am not happy, but I can't do ...."

I see a lot of comments like "I can't do this because of this or that". Sorry, but that doesn't cut it with me. (A bit of tuff love).

The ONLY reason you can't do it is that you are looking at YOUR world through tight blinders. TAKE THE BLINDERS OFF. START LOOKING AT THE WHOLE WORLD. LOOK AT ALL POSSIBILITIES.

Now having said that, it may be difficult. It may be hard. It may be a sacrifice, but here is the truth: Physicians are smart people and can do a lot. They can do medicine...and other things also. But only if you explore them. Decide on them and then execute on your decision.

For example...look at your average healthcare CEO. Why can't you do it? You won't likely get the CEO job initially, but certainly some other positions and move up. You don't have any God-given right to start at the top, just because you are a physician. Play IN the game, and not expect to get any special consideration.

If you say "you can't do it", it's only because you are unwilling to change. You are unwilling to learn something new. You are unwilling to give up your comfort zone. In that case...face reality. Don't blame the system for being stuck in it.

Tony Robbins said,

"YOU GET WHAT YOU ACCEPT"

Those are powerful words to live by. Remember them. If...

If I only had this, I would be happy.

If only this had not happened, it would make me happy.

Does this sound like you?

Is happiness just a bit beyond your reach? 

Is there just one more thing until you achieve it?

Perhaps it's better to look to achieve happiness with what you already have.

Being grateful and happy for what you have is a great place to launch yourself to an even greater degree of happiness.

Sunday Morning Happiness

It's Sunday morning.  Nothing special happening.  Just sitting on the couch with a warm cup of coffee.  Nothing planned.  Just a quiet day.  We are just relaxing on the couch.  The dogs are fed, content and sleeping.  I am enjoying writing this post for you.

Life is good.

Are there some less than bucolic elements happing in my life?  Probably, but for now, I am grateful for what I have. Where I am. What I am doing. Who I am with. I am happy.

Am I doing anything special that I am doing to make me happy?  Am I trying to make myself happy by an external stimulus?  Nope.  It's all internal.  It's being grateful for what I have.  Not seeking out anything more at this moment.  Being happy with the way things are. 

Being "Present" and Grateful

Being present is different from being grateful, but I believe they are closely related.  You can be present in the moment and...

The Best

Everyone strives to be the best.  

The best in school.  The best athlete.  The best restaurant.  The best vacation spot. The best ... anything.

But what happens when a product is made that is above all the rest.  A product that is so good, it seems like it gives its users an unfair advantage.

They think you are cheating.   They think you are gaming the system

And they look for a way to "take you down". To have you removed from the competition. To ban your product or service.  

Why is that?  Is it because they are far better? Or because you can't compete with them?

No, it's because the product or service is too good.

A Superior Competitor.

It's alright to be upset when your product or service is bettered by another company.  That's called healthy competition. That should be your motivation for you to do better.

Destruction of Success

What isn't acceptable is to seek to ban or destroy a competitor's success.  

Destroying another's success puts us all on a downward spiral to mediocrity. 

Destroying another's success doesn't make us all better. It makes us worse.

The destruction of other's success ... isn't a success. 

Reflex Conversation

We all have our rituals that we use every day.

"Good Morning".   Reply,  "Good Morning".

"How are you today?". Reply, "Fine, thank you."

"Sorry about that...".  Reply, "No problem."

These statements, and others like them, are likely said millions of times each hour across the world (and in different languages).

It's much like talking to a wall.  Different day ... same conversation and "wall". 

It's expected.  We make the same statement and receive a predictable answer. Or, we provide a predictable answer to the rote statement from someone else.

It's like we are just talking to fill the air time.  Do we really care what the other person thinks or says?   I suspect that nearly all of the time ... we don't care.  It's no different than talking to a brick wall.

So we have two choices to stop this repetitive and inane insanity.  Stop issuing these worthless statements, or answer them in a way to break the cycle.

Either way is not that hard. 

Instead of "How are you today?", replace it with "How are you today, REALLY?". 

See what a different response you get.

Instead of answering "Fine, thank you", switch it up..."I am splendid today, thanks".   

See what that does to the conversation.

Think about everything you say.  Make your words more than sound that...

Who is responsible for your happiness?

You?

Or Someone else?

First of all, where does happiness reside?  Is happiness something that is outside of you?  Is it something that someone can give you?  Or is it inside of your head? Something deeply personal. 

Why is it that some people with so much abundance in their lives ... are deeply unhappy?

Why is it that some people who face such daunting challenges such as illness, being destitute or facing oppression ... are able to be deeply happy?

Perhaps it can be summed up in two words.

• Gratefulness
• Choice

Do you believe that happiness is a choice that you can make?  One that allows you to be happy, grateful and satisfied without physical "things"?  

Are you grateful for what you have?   If not, why not?

Make it your choice to be happy.

 Create your own happiness. 

Want to know a secret?

It's about human nature.  

If you want to predict what someone else is going to do in the future, just look at what they did in the past. You don't need a crystal ball.  Just use your eyes and ears. 

When I am driving, if I see a smashed-up car on the road ... I stay far away from it.  Their past driving behavior will likely repeat itself.

If I know of someone who blames other people for things ... I know they likely won't complete a task and will likely blame someone or something else as the reason.

If I see a person who has run or started a successful business, I will get to know them if I want to do the same.

If I see a person lie, then I probably won't trust that person in the future.

If I see happy and smart kids, it's likely their parents know how to parent well.

What do your "fenders" look like?  

Can others use your "fenders" as a crystal ball of your future?

If your fenders look bad...perhaps it's time to go to the repair shop.

Did you ever wonder why something was done?  Not just completed, but why it was done ... on a much deeper level.

Just how do you go about figuring that out?  There are so many different ways of attacking the question. Just how do you get to the root?  It's simpler than you may think.  Just ask a kid how they learn.

It's the Five Whys.

The system is deceptively simple and the results are astonishingly insightful.  Let's do an example. 

Let's look at why we lock the doors to our houses.  Start off with the first question, then ask another why question ... formulated from the previous answer.  Do it five times. Five levels deep.  Sometimes you get an answer sooner, sometimes you can go even deeper.  

Why do we lock the doors to our homes? To keep people out.

Why do we keep people out? Because some people we don't want in our house.

Why don't we want them in our house? Because we don't want them stealing from us.

Why will they steal from us?  Because they want our stuff to get money.

Why do they want money? Because they don't have a job.

So you can see, one of the reasons that we lock our doors is that there are people who don't have a job that may steal from us.  (No social commentaries allowed here...this is an illustration).

Let's try another.  This is one that I...

Stone Soup

You can't eat a stone, but in the fable, the stone is the first ingredient that is used for a delicious pot of hot soup.

How did that happen?

It was from the contribution of many others to the singular effort of creating soup. Everyone contributed different items to the pot until the soup was completed.  

So what was the contribution of the stone?

It was the idea that inspired others to contribute.  It didn't contribute to the final product yet was completely responsible for it. 

Creativity And Inert Ingredients

Are you stuck in a non-creative situation?  Is your group or team failing to come up with new ideas or solutions to a problem?  Maybe what you need is to feel comfortable putting forth ideas that are totally different.  "Stone ideas" whose purpose is only to stimulate other ideas, knowing that they won't make it to the end solution.  

The paradox of using an ingredient essential to the creation of, but contributes nothing to, the final product. 

Maybe it's time to use a stone in your creativity sessions.